Making Decisions and Changes Part 2

So, the last time I wrote, I told you about the big changes Kaleb is about to endure with doing a second year of PreK, but at a completely different school and new settings; I’m not sure I mentioned that he will be at a private Christian school near our home. Currently he does a PreK program at a daycare near my workplace, which is convenient that he can be dropped off early and/or picked up late. Since he’s going to more of a school setting in August, he’ll now be on regular 8-3:30 school schedule with all the holidays and breaks. Which brings me to Making Decisions and Changes Part II:

I have decided to no longer keep my 8-5 job at the hospital and pursue other career options like photography and writing/speaking, full time.

Let’s let that sink in for a bit.

It’s a huge HUGE decision for me; something I’ve been working towards for a very long time and to say I’m excited is an understatement. Also, to say I’m scared is an understatement as well.

I’ve told several people already, including my boss and co-workers and the responses or questions I have gotten have varied but the biggest ones of course are, “why?” and “what are you going to do?” So here are those answers:

Why? The ‘why’ is the most exciting and makes the most sense to me. I’m leaving my job because I want to be a better part of my son’s life. He’s about to enter some of the most important years of his life. He’s going to start learning who he is and what he’s about. He’s going to have field trips and school projects;he’s going to start having homework! He’s about to do some significant growing, mentally/physically/spiritually, and I want to be there for it; I don’t want to be there half-ass either, I want to really be there.

The other answer to ‘why’ is, I’m not happy at my job. It was a good job for me to have for the last 7 years, but the time is up. I’ve gotten all I’m going to get from it. I’ve reached the point where it no longer feels fulfilling or satisfying. It’s actually reached the point of dread. I hate going there every day. It’s started to suck the life out of me and I can’t let that happen anymore. I feel like I was constantly in search of something else to do, something else to get my hands on (hence the pinterest crafts and photography) because for 5 days a week/8 hours a day, I felt wasted and useless. I can’t continue to feel this dread or hate and expect to excel as a mother. I know it does work for some (and I applaud you) but it’s not working for us anymore.

So, my ‘whys’ go hand in hand, really; I can’t keep starting the day in a bad mood and ending it in a bad mood. It’s turning me into a person I don’t like and more importantly, a mom that I’m not proud of. It’s time to step up and make a change that will ideally benefit both of us.

What am I going to do? Oh my goodness, what am I not going to do? I plan on doing anything and everything. Kaleb is at the age where he still wants me at his school things. He wants me present in his life, so he will come first. Next, will of course be my photography and writing with hopefully more speaking engagements. I’m beyond excited to be able to put more time into all of it, especially my writing. You haven’t seen much from me lately because of all the reasons listed above. I’ve been busting my ass the last year to make this photography thing work well enough to get to this point(and I know I still have a ways to go). Then, not being happy on top of all that, I just haven’t had the energy or time to write and I hate that.

In addition to the photog and writing, I will be open to just about any source of income that can be done from my home office. I will more than likely dabble in social media managing; crafty/DIY/Junk selling/making and whatever else God sends my way. {Not to mention, I have about a months’ worth of organizing and sorting to do in my home and on my website before I will feel like I can really settle in and get things going. The first half of my summer will primarily be doing just that.}

The last question I get a lot is, Aren’t you Scared? Hell yeah, I’m scared. It wouldn’t be called taking a leap of faith if it didn’t mean being scared. It wouldn’t be known as ‘chasing your dream’ if it didn’t mean taking a risk. I’m letting go of a set-in-stone, monthly income and I’m basically doing it cold turkey. I’m freaking out, but in the most awesome way ever. I have prayed about this for so very long. Month after month, day after day, I have prayed that God would send me signs that I’m doing the right thing. It seems like each day there was either a little push or a sign from Him that said yes, this is what you should be doing.

It was when my photog business started growing, I decided I needed to get myself a real planner to keep track of all my appointments. At the time (last fall/winter), I had already been thinking to myself that May or June would be my goal month to quit my job, I just hadn’t told anyone yet, so when my Erin Condren planner came in the mail, I was flipping through it (because it’s so PRETTY and I’m slightly obsessed with pretty organizers) I flipped to the cover of June and I knew. There it was, God was yelling at me with His pretty signs, “It feels good to be lost in the right direction”. How much more perfect could that have been? Exactly on the month I had planned to really begin my journey, there was the phrase I needed.

I am going to feel lost for a while, no doubt about it, but I’m willing to take that risk. I’ve decided I’m going to give myself a full year to see where this change takes me. If it takes me to the poor house where Kaleb and I are living with no electricity (j/k, that would never happen because we can’t survive without WiFi), then I’ll suck it up, be able to say ‘at least I tried’ and go back to a ‘full time job’.

BUT, if this change takes me to places I never even imagined…hell, if it just makes me happy on the inside and out and I make enough money to feed my kid, then it sure will have been worth it!

I know it’s risky and I know there are people who aren’t on board, but I don’t care. I’m trying something for ME and my son. So in just a few weeks, I’ll be letting go of fears and judgement; I’ll be jumping into the unknown but I’ll be doing it with lots and lots of faith hope and love.