One Day...

One day you’ll want to know that your hands look just like his. His hands were extra-large and they always looked as though they were rough and tough, but the truth was, that they were mild and gentle. One day you’ll want to know that he had a giving heart, much like I see the ways of your heart. One day you’ll want to know that he wanted to be around his friends, all the time. He always wanted to host parties and gatherings at our house, just like you, when you request Christmas and Easter parties with your friends. One day you’ll want to know that he hated when his hands got dirty and was basically OCD about washing them, just like you. One day you’ll want to know that he couldn’t sit still if someone paid him a million dollars, just like you. One day you’ll want to know that he teased me about sleeping on my side of the bed, just like you do, every night. One day you’ll want to know that he wanted to teach you all the hobbies and sports.

One day you’ll want to know that he got to be a stay-at-home-dad with you for a while, and I had never really seen him happier. One day you’ll want to know that he loved you more than anything else on this earth. You’ll want to know that he wanted to protect you from so many hurtful things in this world and you’ll want to know he was most scared of failing at that. You’ll want to know he wanted to be able to give you everything he never had – he wanted to give you the world. One day you’ll want to know all these things. You’ll need to know all these things. And I’ll be here to tell you, over and over again.

Oh my sweet boy, I wish I could tell you these things now, without creating such an emotional rollercoaster for you, but you’re just too little to understand. It was just daddy’s time to be with Jesus and once that time comes, it's just that rule that we always stay with Jesus. Yesterday you struggled with the reasoning behind why Jesus won’t let daddy come home and it broke my heart. If I knew it would make things easier to tell you everything I know and loved about daddy, I would tell you every day. But at this moment in time, at your current age and understanding of life, it’s just easier to not bring it up. There isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t do or say something and I swear it’s your dad doing it. You are so much like him in so many ways and I promise to always keep those memories in my heart (and actually written) so that when you’re at the point of understanding, we will talk about it as much as you want. You’re daddy loved you more than life itself, and one day, just knowing and understanding that, will be all you ever need to know.