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Heaven Daddy; Real Daddy

Kaleb: "How did your photo shoot go?"

Me: "It was good!"

Kaleb: "Did the little boy have a mommy and a daddy? Or just a mommy? Or just a daddy?"

Me: "He had a mommy and a daddy."

Kaleb: ".....sigh......I wish I could have a real daddy and not just a heaven daddy."

This was tonight. And it's where we've been lately. If you just let out a big fat sad sigh reading that, you aren't alone.

For several months he's been asking me about the kids I take pictures of, if they have both parents, and 99% of the time, they do of course. I knew why he was asking. I knew he was going over it again and again in his head because that's the kinda kid he is; I just never knew when it was going to evolve into more.

Last week, during the anniversary of Charles passing, I ordered a wreath to have placed at his memorial. When it was finished and ready to be taken to the cemetery, I took Kaleb with me thinking it would be a quick drop-off trip and that would be it. We/He has been out there fairly often; it's also where my mom's parents are buried so visits are made semi-often. When we took the wreath out there, Kaleb immediately said he wanted to be the one who sets it down. I let him do his thing and waited to see what would happen next. Out of the blue he asked me, "Momma, when can I have a real dad?" I think I must have questioned what he meant or gave him a funny look because he went on to

explaining in detail:

"When can I have a REAL dad? Not just a heaven dad. I want a real daddy dat lives wif us. I need a real dad at our house so he can get my paper airplanes out of the trees. And get my balls down from da roof. I need a dad dat lives wif us and one dat has TWO arms so he can do stuff you can't do wif one arm! So when mommy? When can I have a daddy dat doesn't live in heaven?"

Whew. Talk about a heart breaking moment for me. He was so serious; so innocent. His reasoning's seemed so minor but to him, they were everything. To him, they were logical and needed no other explanation.

He sat there and looked me square in the face, waiting for my answer.

The only thing I could think to tell him, being put on the spot, was that if he was ready to have a daddy living with us, then he needed to start asking Jesus to send us one.

{Obviously he didn't really understand how Jesus was going to just "send" us a daddy and he hoped "real daddy" wasn't being sent to mommy's tummy because he needs "real daddy" to be "big and grown" when he gets here. He has no use for an infant. Infants aren't too awesome at playing airplanes and drop kicking.}

Once he let go of the how's and why's, he agreed to start praying about it. Since then, he's been praying every night to "PA-LEASE LORD send me a daddy already." Each night his reasoning's are different. Tonight he wanted/needed a real daddy because he's certain a real dad would let him watch transformers and ninja turtles.

This is all new ground for me. For the last 3 years, Kaleb has gotten extremely attached to me and even protective, to a point. He has always made it clear that HE wanted to marry me and no one else was ever allowed to live with us. He wanted it to just be he and I until the end of time. I knew that he would change his mind, obviously, in the years to come, but I didn't expect him to be this persistent this soon.

I still stick by my answer to his question, even though I had to answer on the spot within seconds. I know Jesus will send us a daddy when the time is right; I know He's got this.

In the meantime, I have a pretty sad little boy over here who's learning all too soon that life has some very unfair battles.

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