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10 Things Moms Just Wanna Say NOPE To

I’d rather poke out my own eye with a sharp object than take my kid/toddler into a store like Hallmark or Pier One. I don’t care how behaved you think your child is or how behaved you think mine seems to be, you couldn’t pay me enough to walk through or browse any one of those stores with my 4yr old. The potential mess and out of order-ness he would make of the greeting cards and then the hand prints on the glass shelving, omg I’m having anxiety just playing it out in my head. NOPE.

  1. Anything or any facility that doesn’t have a drive thru. When you have multiple children to get in and out of a car seat just to go into the post office for less than a minute, you look back at those 3 munchkins fastened up in their seats, and then you look over at the post office door 20 feet away, then back at the babies and you think, NOPE.

  2. Those candy store that are like a help-yourself-to-a-baggie-then-let’s-weigh-it-and-you-pay-me-all-your-monies kinda stores. NOPE. Not even going to let my child know those places exist. Here’s a single bag of skittles that cost me .99c, go to town.

  3. At 5a.m.(or ANYTIME before you’ve had your coffee) hearing, “Mommy! Mommy! It’s morning! Time to get up! Don’t you want to come play with me??!?” NOPE.

  4. I had no choice but to take my son to my annual OB-GYN appointment and then after it was over, I’d be dropping him off at his pre-k. Y’all. I wanted so badly to give a big fat NOPE to this scenario but there was no way around it. As soon as we entered the room he said, “hey mommy, what are these things for? They turn in and out” as he was playing with the foot/stirrup things at the end of the bed. When the doctor came in, he stayed up by head, ‘holding my hand for comfort’ all while I was talking to him about everything except for what was going on. Before it was just about over he said, “mommy what is the doctor helping you with today? Are we gonna go home with a baby?” NOPE.

  5. Getting invited by a friend/family member to go out to eat at a fancy resturant (bring the kids they say, it’ll be fun to see them they say) and there’s an hour and a half wait for a table. You’ve got a 2 and 4 year old in tow who’d rather be at home in their underwear eating chicken nuggets with mac&cheese while watching Frozen. Chances are, NOPE.

  6. Normally, you wouldn’t think twice about locking the bathroom door when needing to pee. It’s really unfair to your child – what if they NEED something during that 15 seconds it’s taking you to do your business. This time though, this time you’re going to change your tampon. You look at that unlocked door and think about how your son loves to come barging in with a cape on because he’s in that damn superhero stage where he has to “save” everyone, then you look back at the tampon and say, NOPE, this time the bathroom door is getting locked.

  7. Holding onto your precious cup or glass of whatever tickles your fancy at the time and the kid says, “mommy, can I try some? NOPE. And not just nope because it’s caffeine or alcohol but NOPE because it’s YOURS and those are the 2 things you won’t get judged on for not sharing.

  8. Sick children when your child is for once, healthy. Trust me, I’m not hatin’ on the sick kiddos, neither they nor you can help it and plus, I’ve been there with my own. He had a cough for about 2 years straight. Now that he seems to be ‘healthier’ these days, whenever I see a sick kid at daycare or at a birthday party, I’m like NOPE, where’s the life-size bubble or hazmat suit for my kid because NOPE again.

  9. Sometimes it’s nice to plan an evening out or a mini-vacation without the kids but for some reason, when someone else tells you they’re planning a shindig or having a wedding where “kids are not allowed”, the mama bear in us ignites and makes us want to RSVP with a big fat NOPE. How dare you tell us our kids aren’t invited. We are the only ones allowed to determine that.

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