I'm a mom and sharing is bullshit.

Listen. I truly do appreciate my kids pre-school teaching him about sharing. Honestly. He's an only child, he needs to know the ins and outs of sharing and all that other golden rule kinda stuff.

But if I hear "sharing is caring" one more time, I'm going to lose my shit.

The other evening, I fed my son a very appropriate dinner that he was completely satisfied with. He even said he liked it. After he finished, I set him up with a movie and juice so I could finish up some work in my office. (And so I could have my not-so-appropriate dinner of chips/dip and a glass of wine.) Before I could even swallow my first bite, he comes waltzing in there like he owns the place and looks at me in complete disbelief that I'd be eating something without him. He said, "I want some!!!" I said, "no you had your dinner. This is mine." Without hesitation he dips a chip and says, "Sharing is caring, mommy."

When you're 3, sharing is caring. When you're a mom, sharing is bullshit.

Just yesterday I tried to have a conversation with him about my Mother's Day gift. He suggested this, "how bout I get you a Thomas da Train or a helicopter or a monster truck? Den we can share it because sharing is caring, mommy."

When you're 3, sharing is caring. When you're a mom, sharing is bullshit.

Seriously though. What don't we share?! We shared our bodies, our vitamins and nutrients, our energy and our uterus for nine damn months! What else could they possibly want?

It doesn't end after the 9 months. It goes on and on. We share everything from our breasts to our Mother's Day gifts.

As of today, I have shared my bed, my pillow, my shower, my potty break, my breakfast, my dinner, my other potty break, every drink I've had, my snack, and if we wanna get real technical, I've shared my paycheck and my health insurance. Oh and all my quarters for the dreaded claw machine in the grocery store.

I'm so over sharing that earlier tonight, when Kaleb saw me drinking a Dr. Pepper and asked if it was soda, I told him it was coffee, knowing good and well he'd run away from that because he can't even stand the smell.

That's right, I lied to my kid. About Dr. Pepper.

When you're 3, sharing is caring. When you're a mom, sharing is bullshit.

::disclaimer:: this post does not apply to any first time moms who still have an infant. I'm almost positive you're thinking I'm the most selfish bitch-mom you've ever met. And that's okay. Come back to me in 2.5 years when your hiding in a closet, eating a snickers bar.