#havefaithhopeandlove

If you're on my Instagram, and have followed for at least 8 or more months, you'll know that I use the hashtag #havefaithhopeandlove a lot. If you aren't on my instagram, I'll take a minute to explain. And if you don't know what a hashtag is, ask someone more hip than yourself. The day we had my husbands funeral, I posted a picture of his "spot" on IG with a caption about how life takes you by surprise and you should never ever take any of it for granted. I ended my post by saying #havefaithhopeandlove. At that time it just made sense to me. I thought, if I just remember to have Faith, Hope and Love, I'll be ok. So after that day, that was just my little saying. My little hashtag to use when I was missing Charles or if Kaleb and I were having crying fits or just a day he was on our hearts more than usual. It was my little reminder of what I need to have to get through these hard times. That said, let's fast foward to last Friday when I took Kaleb to see his new "school" and I saw that there was a train painted on the wall with the words Faith Hope Love. Y'all. It gave me chills. The moment I saw it, I just knew we had been lead into the right direction. It might not seem big to y'all but for me it was confirmation. Confirmation that God and Charles were with us, guiding us. Of course Kaleb just saw a "choo-choo" so he was sold. "A Choo-Choo at my school?!?"

So today was the big day! Kaleb went to his new school. We had "bad weather" this morning so work and school were delayed 2 hours which worked out nicely for us because we got to sleep in a bit. We talked the whole way there about the things he would be doing and the friends he would meet.

He asked me if I was going to be going to school with him...I was afraid to answer that because I knew he'd start crying. I pretended like I didn't hear him, like every good mom does.

When we got there he was ready to walk inside! He didn't want to be carried, he wanted to go in like a big boy and see his school with the Choo-Choo! We made it in and went into the classroom where he started to feel shy and question everything. Then he saw the other moms leaving and he says to me, "I can't wike my new school."

I wanted to cry and be a stay-at-home-mom right then and there. Luckily, the teachers started getting him engaged in toys and such so I slipped away without him seeing. It destroyed me. I stood in the hallway and just cried like a big fat baby. I prayed that that was the right choice but all I could hear was his little voice asking for me and why did I leave him. Hardest thing yet. I peeked around the corner without him seeing me and watched for a minute.

I cried all 5 minutes to work and pretty much teared up all day. Everyone said it would be okay, and it's true, it will be. We just have the extra sadness going on with Charles being gone so suddenly, it's hard. It's harder because Kaleb already doesn't trust that I won't just leave him too; it's hard because I can't believe Charles isn't here to experience this with us. It's just hard. It's all those firsts that I talked about. We're learning how to get through them.

So the end result is...he had a good day! When I got there he was drawing circles on the dry erase board. It took him exactly 1.6 seconds to spot me. "MOMMY!!!! MOMMY!!! THATS MY MOMMY!!!" He said he had a good day but was ready to go home.

He had a good report from the teacher. He didn't eat lunch or snack but participated in everything else. He only cried in the morning when I left; took a great nap; had fun at recess; and I can tell he learned some kinda song because he keeps clapping and saying his name. :)

I'm a little nervous to ask if he's ready to go back because sometimes it's just easier to not let him think he has an option.

He said he was hungry as soon as we got in the car so I treated him to spaghetti.

Mommy is def ready for tomorrow! I think we're both glad the first day is OVER!!

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