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365

May 6, 2017

 

 

Well my friends, it's officially been a whole year. A year since I took a giant leap of faith and I left my 8-5 job, to work for, and discover myself. 

 

What a crazy thing I did, huh? 

 

This past year honestly just FLEW by. It feels like it was couple of months ago that I walked outta there, yet I feel like it was another lifetime ago. 

 

I wasn't happy there. It wasn't fulfilling me but worse than that, it was sucking the happy life out of me. I knew I had to leave. 

 

Honestly when I left, I didn't have a lot of verbal expectations. I didn't write goals down anywhere and I didn't talk to anyone about what I was anticipating I'd do or accomplish with my life. My main goals or purposes was to get away from something that was making me miserable, do things that made me happy, and spend more time with Kaleb. 

 

Done. Done. And done. 

 

Oh well, and make enough money that we maintain electricity in our home and are able to eat everyday. 

 

Done. 

 

As you well know, I had started my photography business about a year before I took the leap, then worked my buns off to get a clientele established in order for me to feel comfortable leaving. 

 

My plan worked nicely. My photog business did pretty well these last 12 months and even better than that, I was able to enjoy Kaleb and all his school things all year long!

I absolutely loved picking him up everyday; I never missed a class party and I did all the field trips and school activities. That was by far the biggest blessing of all. 

 

Even though I never wrote specific goals or even though I never really shared them out loud, I still had a few stashed away in this heart of mine. Because that's what I do best, create feelings and dreams regarding all the things. 

 

If this isn't a broken record, I don't know what is, but I really wanted to write more. I really wanted to expand my blog. I wanted to feel inspired and I wanted to dig deeper than I have ever done before. And I wanted to share it with you. It's in my soul, it's in every fiber of my being and it's a thought that crosses my mind daily- I want to be someone fantastic. I want to be out there making a difference; I want to be sharing my story in a huge way so it touches and helps so many people! I just want to be. 

 

It's hard to put it into words and explain exactly what I feel, but I know I want it. I pray about it all the time. And I guess a part of me really thought this year, these past 365 days would lead me to whatever "it" is. 

 

I've tried to not be disappointed about my accomplishments from this past year. It would be way too easy for me to sit here and let my mind take me to all the "you should have" & "you didn't do"'s, but my heart knows it's all in Gods timing. And I did accomplish great things last year! I worked my ass off and I provided for my son and I, all on my own, doing something I love! That right there is huge on its own. 

 

I recently ran into a former high school teacher in the grocery store. She and I chatted for quite some time; I updated her on all my crazy, non-sugarcoated life happenings and I casually mentioned that I just knew in my heart I was supposed to be doing great things one day, really taking life by the horns and showing who's boss. She said something to me that made a pretty huge impact and reminded me of the exact reason I quit, "Samantha, you're already being amazing. You are a successful single mother, who's out there making the best world possible for your son by making sure you're being the best version of yourself that you can be. That's already pretty huge."

 

I was so moved by her words. She's absolutely right. I'm exactly what I'm supposed to be right now. When God wants me to be more, He'll make it happen. And I'm ok with that. 

 

That being said, advancing my photography business wasn't the only thing I did this past year. I think I did some unintentional soul searching as well. 

 

I realized that I really miss social interaction. I talked to sooo many different types of people at my old job and it was good for me. It helped me see different points of views and it just opened my eyes to new things. I miss that. 

 

I actually miss getting dressed up. Sometimes, for sure not every day. I realized this past winter I was getting depressed and I knew it was because I wasn't leaving the house much. So I dedicated Thursdays to my "let's wear something cute, put on lipstick and leave the house" day. It's helped so much! 

 

I have a lot of alone time and while it's not all bad, I have a lot of thoughts. My mind drifts and I get stuck on stuff. Stuff I probably need to get out and so I *think* I'm getting closer to being ready to write about some hard and raw stuff; Charles stuff that i haven't touched on yet. I feel it coming and I'm nervous, but it's part of my healing. 

 

I miss writing in general but honestly just haven't been all that inspired. I need to find a way to get there. 

 

I realized I also really miss doing makeup applications. The thought to go back to working part time at Sephora has absolutely crossed my mind. I'm not sure that's even an option right this minute with Kaleb, but it's on my radar for possibly the fall. 

 

I have enjoyed cooking more, I enjoy my workouts (what???) and even more shocking, I've enjoyed being a soccer mom! I KNOW. Crazy! 

 

There are so many more things I enjoy and I think it's because I have the time. 

 

Each and every d a y, I go to bed and I wake up, thanking God for this opportunity. I honestly feel like I'm living a once-in-a-life-time dream and I'm almost scared that at any moment it's going to be snatched away from me. 

 

God has provided, just as He aways has and always will. I have the faith, the hope, and the love in Him, that it'll continue another year. I know the truth, I wouldn't be where I am today without Him. 

 

To the next 365. 

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