Today, I cried. And it was welcomed.

For those of you who have lost someone significant in your life, (a spouse, a child or a parent) you know that time doesn't necessarily HEAL, it just kind of changes things. 

Some could argue that it heals. I think I've even said it heals. But I don't know that it actually does. 

Today would have been Charles 34th birthday. It's hard to believe his last birthday on earth was his 30th. 

And man, we celebrated that 30th in a big way with friends, beer and BBQ. It's possible he may have celebrated a little harder than others.  But that's what birthday's are for. 

I want to write this short post to say that today, I sobbed like it was the first birthday he had been gone. I sobbed in the morning during my workout and I sobbed this afternoon at the cemetery. 

It came as a surprise to me, actually. What was I doing crying this hard after so much time?

But the truth is, you're never really done grieving. You're never one hundred percent healed. And that's okay. I've come to realize that days like these become your new normal. Even if it's only 4 times a year. Or if it's for a whole week straight. Grieving never quits, it just changes. 

I'm glad I cried so hard today; it felt needed.  And good. I'm also glad, because I came to a better understanding of grief. 

If you've never lost someone significant, keep in mind that what's normal for you and what's normal for someone who's lost a part of them, isn't going to be the same. 

It's an odd thing to say, but I openly accepted my tears today, and I'm okay with them being part of my normal.