I’m typically not a controversial person; I try to steer clear of any drama or confrontational subjects. You’ll probably never see me post anything political and 95% of the time, I’m not going to argue with someone on Facebook. Because that’s just not me. I’m even kilter.
Today though, today something on FB got me fired up.
A news station had posted on their page that they were working on a story about single moms and dating. They wanted to know, “was it hard to date when you have children.”
Seems like a no brainer to me. It also seems like a clean question to ask, there can’t possibly be any hater comments from a straight forward question like that.
Wrong. There are some crazies out there. And they all have very strong opinions about a topic that doesn’t pertain to them. Isn’t that how it always is?
A friend tagged me in the post and so I started reading the comments; curious to see what others were saying. I assumed it would only be single moms commenting since the question was directed to us.
There was a comment from a male, and I quote, “Single moms who don't have support from their child's father have it extremely difficult. However, if they would have waited, made something of themselves and gotten a higher paying job, they wouldn't be struggling to balance personal, social and work life.”
Let that sink in. Re-read it if you want to be clear on what you thought you read the first time.
Like I said earlier, I’m not a confrontational person. Very, very seldom do I respond to trash like this. Very seldom do I feel the need to confront someone’s opinions, especially on social media because it can seem cowardly at times.
I couldn’t let this one go, though. I couldn’t sit there and let this type of comment and perception just idol there in the post. Other mothers were reading it just as I had, and I couldn’t sit back and not stand up for us.
My reply was thought out and not anywhere near as low as he had gone. I was clean but clear that he was speaking out of line. He continued to try to go back and forth with me, but I think (after other women were chiming in as well), he got the clue to shut the hell up.
I started this post earlier today with the intentions of flaring up, getting “lit” as they like to call it now, regarding the topic at hand. I was going to write paragraphs upon paragraphs about how H A R D it is to date when you’re a single mother. I wanted to talk about how annoyed I get when people ask me why I’m not dating and about how it isn’t just that simple. I had it all planned out. It was going to be a raging rant of a post from me, calling people out for their judging, ranting about my rights, and so on and so on. All the anger. All the frustration built up in 1 post.
Then I got busy.
You guessed it – busy doing the mom thing. Dinner had to be made, then there was playtime outside, then there was bath time, medicine time, teethbrushing time, bedtime story time, prayer time, tuck-in-the-covers time, one last of drink of water time, another tuck-in time, turn off the big light time, but then turn on the nightlight time, ect ect e c t….
I think you get the gist of how I might have gotten distracted from writing my rant.
When I finally got to come back to my post, my mood had changed. I went from powerful, strong, single mom who was ready to take on the world (okay maybe just take on the egotistical jerkface who made some very asinine comments that weren’t even in his lane) to a mom who is questioning every choice made in this day; to wondering if what I did was enough, or too much? “Did he need tough love in that moment or did he need a hug? Should I have made him eat more vegetables today or was giving him a pass on that okay? Did he notice I was late picking him up from school today; did he notice he was the last one? Should I take him to the doctor for that cough he’s had for days or should I let him ride it out? Would it be better to sign him up for soccer or Tball this spring? Which would he like better, which is more safe? I really should have not been so hard on him earlier, maybe I should go give him one last kiss.”
Isn’t this all moms though? Isn’t this our life? We never stop. We never stop wondering and worrying.
What was said today was immature and uncalled for. It was hurtful. I could have written a post that was full of anger and resentment but that wouldn’t do any of us any good. I might have felt better for a minute but it wouldn’t last.
I don’t offend easily, but this time it was an exception, only because he was speaking of my tribe. And that’s what we are. A tribe. We stick together. You have my back; I have your back. This thing called motherhood will knock you on. your. ass. when you least expect it, so it’s important to have your tribe or your village to lean on. Despite recent accusations, from the unmentionable Jerkface, we ARE making something of ourselves, just by being mothers. We are out there, doing the work thing, doing the mom thing and trying to do the social thing. It is hard as hell, but we’re D O I N G it. And I’m proud of us, proud of our accomplishments!
Now, anyone else wanting to cast their opinions regarding how if I had “made something of myself I would have time to date” can come live with me and my kid for a week. I dare ya. ;)