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When Kids Sound Like Tiny A-Holes

If an adult spoke to me the way my 4y/o does, that adult would be considered an asshole and I’d never want to be around them again.

Yes, I just compared my son to an asshole. To clarify, I’m not calling him an asshole; just a healthy comparison.

I’m his mom; I’m allowed to do that.

It could be that he needs to work on his manners and learn how not to be a sore loser but none the less, he still sounds like an asshole.

As do other kids, I’ve noticed.

It’s especially true around the ages of 2 to 5; when they are in their prime. It’s something to do with their need for instant gratification and their inability to filter the shit that comes out of their mouth. It’s that stage where you are trying so desperately to teach them good decisions vs. bad decisions and how to say “please” and “thank you”.

These teachings apparently take longer than one would think. My son who’s 4.5 y/o scolded a waitress the other day because she didn’t bring us enough breadsticks.

Ok, so maybe he didn’t scold her, I have taught him a little more than that, he was just very demanding. He wanted more breadsticks and he wasn’t afraid to let it be known.

Like I said, if adults were to act in this manner, they would be assholes.


“MOOOOM! Come wipe my butt!!”

“Mom, I’m ready for you to make my dinner, now.”

“Mom, what you made for dinner was gross.”

“Mom, peel this orange, then bring it to me in my room.”

“Here mom, here are my shoes. Put them on for me.”

“Here mom, here are all my things. Carry them. ALL.”

“You dropped my THINGS! You weren’t paying attention. Mom, you need to pay attention.”

“Mom, come watch me poop.”

“Mom, don’t watch me poop. I need to be alone.”

*tucking them into bed* “You can go now mom, I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t bug me mom, I don’t need help.”

“Help me mom. Noooooo, not like THAT. You did it wrrrrong!”

“Find that toy I lost 17 months ago. It was yellow. I probably left it at the park. But you hhhaaaaavvvee to finD IT!!!”

*singing in the car* “Mom, this is not your jam.”

“You’re going to wear THAT to work??”

“Mom, your tummy is giggly. Why?”

“When are you ever going to get your nails painted?”

“Let’s play a game. You have to let me win.”

“Shhhhh, mom! You are interrupting PawPatrol.”

These didn’t all come from my kid alone, I realize if they did you’d be tempted to comment that my child is just a brat and needs a little discipline. Which, probably. Either way, age 2 to 5, these babies, our babies, that we are so diligently trying to raise right, the ones that we take to church, the ones we send to Christian based daycares, the ones we take to visit grandmas and aunts at the nursing home, the ones we used to swaddle and rock to sleep, the ones that still require kisses for their owies….yep, those are the ones, that at some point in their toddler life, will definitely sound like a tiny asshole.

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