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Just Write The Damn Thing Already

August 6, 2015

I really get in my own way sometimes.  I can be really annoying like that.

Last week I had intended to write a Tuesday 10 but I never got around to it.  Then, on Thursday I had written a "So there's that...Thursday" post but I didn't feel like I had enough points, so I didn't publish it.  This week I started a Tuesday 10 and got to number 5 and was like, I literally have nothing else and 5 isn't 10, so clearly I can't post THAT.

You see, I'm OCD at times, in my writing.  I feel like if I'm going to make a list, it has to be an even number or Tuesday 10 def has to always have 10 or else it's crap.  Then, when I have an actual topic, I feel like it has to be enough for at least 3 paragraphs or it's not worth talking about.  I know, I'm my worst enemy.

Today I realized, "you have shit to say and you need to get it out because that's how you do you, and if you aren't doing you, things in your world don't go right." So, I'm putting aside my weird obsession with needing to be my version of  "perfect" and I'm just writing. Because my world needs to get back on track.

  • I'm sorry I never did a real BlogHer15 recap.  The night after the closing party I wrote a blurb on my FB page about how my time in NY was the best thing ever.  BlogHer15 was very different that BlogHer14 and I was ok with that.  Hands down, the best thing that happened this year was that complete strangers approached me and said, "hey I know you, you wrote such and such and it was awesome/beautiful."  This is what I wrote that night and it sums up everything.

Now you're in New York These streets will make you feel brand new; big lights will inspire you. Let's here it for New York....?

I want to say this now because I feel like when I get back and life starts again, I'll lose time and momentum. ‪#‎BlogHer15‬ was almost indescribable. While last years conference was awesome because I got to step outside of my box, meet all new people, and read one of my posts, this year closed out on an even better note. I didn't get on a big fancy... stage but I indulged in and coddle the friendships I made last year AND I got to live the DREAM of complete strangers coming up to me and say, "hey I know you, you're the one that wrote the beautiful post about accepting your arm or your husbands death." I just can't even describe the happy place I'm in tonight. I'm so blessed. Let's hear it for New York.

  • Speaking of NY, Puppy was most definitely found and I never really found out where he was hiding.  The hotel was so kind to hunt him down and send him back, I didn't want to bother them with more phone calls and emails from me, the 32 yr old who still carries around a stuffed animal.  However, since it's just you and I reading this, thank you for not thinking I was dumb and ridiculous and  THANK YOU if you prayed.

  • Know what I'm enjoying about age 4?  Conversations and independent playing.  Kaleb and I are actually having decent car conversations about our days and what not.  Also, I love that he's starting to play more on his own.  Like just now he built a "spaceship" out of his legos and then came to show me.  He also informed me that it shoots butter. So clearly I'm like, yay age 4! And butter shooters.

  • Know what I'm not enjoying lately? People.  Not you though, cause you are the bees knees.  I'm talking about people in general.  Like during the day have you ever thought to yourself, I kinda don't like people.  This is how I know I need to just stay in my house and write.  I shouldn't be this way but I'm leaning that way.  Seriously though, it's not you.

  • I've become one of those "SnapChat" people...and I don't know how I feel about it.  I'm even learning the lingo. And the special tricks. So, there's that.

  • All you people with your "only 18 Friday's until Christmas..." business need to stop.  Just stop.  Stop rushing the seasons and holidays and shit.  It's not good.  I feel like I JUST put my tree in my attic. Stop.

  • Why are kids like little Houdini's when it comes to sleeping?? They are all over the damn bed in a way that makes it most inconvenient for you to sleep.  AND, they do it all while staying asleep. How do they manage it every bless-ed night??

  • Who else is being attacked by allergies right now?  I mean, we could be near death over here.  Freakin sneezing and shit, all day.  Even Molly is all jacked. Stupid.

  • Speaking of stupid, I'm breaking out like a 14 year old hormonal girl that doesn't wash her face.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with all the crap I've eaten in the last week.  That never plays a part. Ugh.

  • That cookie dough, though.

  • My sister-in-law is graduating from college this weekend and it has me encountering all the feelings.  1, I can't believe it because she was only a young teen when I met her. 2, I'm so proud of her because duh! 3, she's graduating from where I went to college so that's extra exciting! and 4, I know Charles would love to be here for it, he always talked about how proud he was of his sisters and I just know he'd be there, standing proud.

  • Can we please just stop with all the minions everywhere?? It was cute and fun for the first thousand days but now it's just too much. Anyone else with me?

  • However, I'm still jamming to uptown funk.  I haven't reached my *too much* point with that yet.

  • Have you ever had plans to do something or go somewhere and the whole time leading up to it you're like, but why am I going...this is out of my loop or character and then you get there and something really unexpected/crazy/awesome happens and you're like, ohhhhh, that's why I was supposed to be here?  I love when God is sneaky like that.

  • So, here's this.  I've beat around the bush on here about needing change and or wanting a different job.  I'm legit saying it - I want/need a new job.  Clear as day.  I'm putting it out there cause maybe you know someone that knows someone.  I want to get away from where I'm at completely.  Some options that I think I'd be good at or like to do: Social media manager, event planner, marketing, PR person, company photographer, ect.  What I for sure DON'T want to do: sales and or retail.  Please don't suggest that I sell bags, nail polish, healthy drinks, pills, skin care and/or energy patches.  I'm very happy for you that you are able to do that but that isn't my thing. AT ALL. My long term goal is that by the time Kaleb is in 1st grade (2 years from now) is that I'm working from home/have a flexible work place.  Whether that's because my photog bizz took off or I'm managing someone's media from my home computer, I want to be home for at least 70% of my work week.  So, in all seriousness, keep your eyes and ears open.  Most of y'all know me pretty well and know what I'm good at.  I can't stay where I'm at forever.  It's just not me and it's bringing me down. I need to do what's best for Kaleb and I, and me getting back to liking people and being happy seems like a decent start.

  • Also, I haven't written anything for MOMquery in way too long! I feel like I've said everything I "know" about motherhood so far, what is left to talk about?  Since y'all do know Kaleb and I so well, can you think of anything I should write about regarding my journey in mothering him?  I'm open to serious or funny.  I just really need to get my writing ass in gear.

  • This completes my random post for tonight.  Hopefully this will clear up the 'ol writers block and here pretty soon I'll have something that flows and looks pretty. Wink.

 

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