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10 Things Young Widows Know All Too Well

June 24, 2015

1. Unfortunately, we know that when the funeral home told us to order 15-20 copies of the death certificate, they were right in advising us to do so.  Every damn person and company and organization want to have the death certificate on file.  We are carrying those certs with us in our car and probably keep a copy at work somewhere.

 

2. People don't know how long to treat us like we are fragile, so they tend to always treat us like that.  The other day, I *thought* I was about to get asked out on a date but instead the question was, "so do you...like...get out of the house and go places?"  News flash: I'm 32 with a 4 year old. I'm not 75 and retired, with grown grandchildren who dodon't come visit, so I just sit in the house. Life must move on, esp when you have little people at home.  You have to be strong for them.  You have to be the rock of the household.  We are stronger now than we were when we were married. Let's not get mixed up on that one.

 

3. Speaking of grief and little kids, we learn when it's safe to cry.  We often times get that feeling, we know when it's going to be one of "those" nights, so we accommodate.  Sometimes that means early bedtime for everyone or an extra long shower for mommy so she can get it all out. Also, sunglasses are our friend.

 

4. Dates on the calendar will forever have a different impact and meaning. Not only do we dread the date of our spouce dying; holidays, anniversary's and birthdays are also so hard. We are always looking at the calendar, replaying certain memories. And it's exhausting.

 

5. We come with the ability to play the "widow card" and there's not a damn thing you can say to us about it. Example: getting repairs done in your home and they say that you'll need to have all your furniture moved before they get there....in plays widow card - "well, I actually don't have anyone who could help me, my husband recently passed away and I don't think I can lift it myself."

 

6. The baggage that we come with is often intimidating. We have our parents, in laws, in laws of the in laws, friends of the in laws, and sometimes a legal advisor who's now our BFF because we have spent more time with him and his family, than our own.

 

7. We know,  all to well, the sting that comes when someone who doesn't know "the news" says, so it's about time y'all try for another baby right?" or "when are you going to give your son a little sister??"

 

8. When people hear we are single moms, that automatically means we must be divorced, therefore we get a "break" every other weekend. No. It's not the same. We don't get to trade weekends. And we aren't going to pawn our kid off to a babysitter every weekend, either.

 

9. The anger and jealousy we feel when other wives complain about their husbands not putting the toilet seat down or not helping with the dishes. Yeah, we were absolutely there once. We were right there complaining with the best of 'em...but we're here now with no one. Day in and day out we are doing it ALL. Please stop taking your husbands for granted.

 

10. We had to grow up. Sure, technically, we might still be in our late 20's or early 30's but we just went through a major life event that made us mature about 20 years too fast. We are no longer in the same category as other single 30 yr olds OR in the same category as our married friends. We aren't interested in going out to "da club" every weekend to see what hot guys we can find, but we also don't find it fun to always be the 5th wheel when all of our married friends are getting together for a couples dinner. We still have desires, we still eventually want to date, it's just a different world now and we know it all too well.

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