8 Things I Fear Being a Mom

1. Puberty. Being a BoyMom, I fear all things puberty. I don’t want to have the “talk”. I don’t even want to think about what he’s doing during those long showers and I don’t want my baby to have a man voice.

2. I fear talking about other dads. The other day I cringed when Kaleb saw one of his classmates being picked up by her dad. I was afraid he was going to say something along the lines of him wanting his dad. I fear “donuts with dad” at school; I fear Boy Scout trips with dads. I fear all the things coming that include dads, since he doesn’t have one. And hopefully I’m worrying for no reason at all but my heart certainly fears it.

3. Algebra or any math class for that matter. I sucked in school but I really sucked at math. I started sucking at math in the 2nd grade. It’s by far, my biggest weakness. I pray I have lots of money for a tutor because if he’s anything like me, we’ll need a tutor on every school day.

4. The video game pressure. I despise video games. I hate all the violence, all the killing, all the unnecessary bloody graphics and lord help me, the noisiness. I understand most boys play these at some point in their life and even if their parents don’t allow it, they’ll end up playing it at a party or sleepover and that’s when the peer pressure will begin.

5. The day his actions disappoint me. Okay, I know this’ll be a lot. I mean, it’s disappointing now when he melts down and acts like a baby because I didn’t buy him a donut. But I’m talking about the big stuff like when he breaks a girl’s heart because he was an ass. Or when he disrespects a teacher. No matter how hard you try to raise them correctly or how much you talk to them about being kind, your child will disappoint, because they’re human and ultimately, we’ll blame ourselves.

6. Throw up. Does it make me less of a mom to fear throw up? My kid has thrown up on me multiple occasions and every time, there I am, gagging and slightly crying. I cannot handle it, y’all. Give me all the poopy diapers in the world, let the poop even touch my hand but DON’T start throwing up.

7. Surviving the Transformers stage. Kaleb still loves “choo-choos” and airplanes. He’s still okay with a cutesy birthday party where I can decorate how I want but I know I have very little time before my house is taken over with toys who’s main purpose is to fight or just be ugly. I can’t tell you how much I dread the day where he wants to wear clothing that has nothing but Power Rangers or ugly turtle men all over it.

8. Fitting in. Since I was “different” almost my entire childhood, I never felt like I fit in. I was never the same as the other kids. I was limited on certain things I could do and I missed a lot being at the doctor all the time. For some kids, fitting in isn’t always a big deal. Sometimes they want to be different and stand out, and that’s okay, too. I hope that Kaleb feels like he fits in if that’s what he wants.