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Firsts and Lasts

June 25, 2013

As a natural part of life, we experience many firsts and many lasts.  Like everything in our little world, some of those firsts and lasts come and go without a thought and then some will actually have a huge impact on us.  Here's the crappy part about not knowing the future, we are always aware when we're experiencing a first but we don't always know when we're experiencing a last.

It has been one week since my husband passed away.  It was a sudden, unexpected death. 

I've had a week to reflect on all my lasts.  The last time we tag teamed a dirty diaper together, the last time we went to church together, the last time we blew bubbles with Kaleb, the last time we kissed, the last time I saw him, the last time I talked to him, the last time...there are so many lasts.

The funny thing about all those lasts is, you can't get them back or have a chance to do them over.  They are forever.  You can sit and ponder on them all you want but they are what they are. 

Along with thinking about all the lasts, I'm already experiencing so many firsts.  The firsts are quickly proving to be the hardest.  The first time I stayed at our house alone, the first time I went to church alone, the first time I had to play catch with Kaleb alone, the first time I tackled bath/pajamas alone, the first time I told Kaleb that daddy went to be with Jesus.

My heart is obviously broken.  It's only been a week.  I know I have a very long road ahead of me.  Every day that passes, I'm sure I'll remember a last and in the very same day, I'll experience another first.  It's a part of my life now.

As a side note, I just want to thank everyone who has reached out to me and showed their love/support.  So many people have told me they are praying for me and my sweet Kman...and we can def feel the love.  I feel like I've been doing a decent job of staying strong for my son and I pray that I can continue to do so. 

As a second side note, please don't give up on this little blog of mine.  Writing is therapeutic for me and I have made a promise to myself to keep up with my posts.  It might take another week or so to get back in full swing but I'll get there.  For now, a huge thank you to the cyber world for connecting me with all you wonderful readers who have stuck by me. Y'all still rock my socks.

With love,

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