Two years ago, at this minute, my baby boy was just a little more than an hour old. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. It was one the of the scariest feelings ever, but at the same time, it was amazing.
I wrote all these things last year in his birthday post and I almost went back and read it so I wouldn't write the exact same thing but then I thought, "what the hell...I'm his mother and I can write the same things this year as I wrote last year, it was a beautiful day."
So here's your warning, this post will contain how much I love my son in a mushy kinda way.
I specifically remember the moment I realized how much I loved him. It was 4a.m. He and I were the only ones awake. Daddy was snoring on the couch, all the visitors had left and the nurses weren't around. It was just he and I. There I was, a brand new mother with the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. He was laying in one of those rolly carts that the hospitals have. I feel like they're just a piece of over-sized Tupperware on a cart. But I guess that's really besides the point, huh?
So there I was. Sitting up in the bed and looking over at my baby boy, watching him stir. He was on the brink of exercising those lungs so I thought I better pick him up before he gets too upset.
I think up until that point, I hadn't picked him up myself. Everyone had been handing him to me and getting us positioned just right. It was the first time I was going to attempt: sitting up in bed enough to reach him, scooping him up on my own with 1 arm and trying to get us adjusted to breast feed, all while being sore as hell and really not wanting to move at.all.
For a couple seconds, it seemed like an impossible task. I'm pretty sure I still had shit hooked up to me, wires taped on, blood pressure crap going off, you know the drill. You feel like you can't move an inch without something beeping and nurses charging in. I tried waking up my husband but at the same time, I didn't want him to wake up because I wanted to do this on my own.
I reached over, put my palm under his head and somehow got him out of the over-sized Tupperware on wheels, without waking anyone, without beeping, without riping out my IV and most importantly, without dropping him. Seems minor until you realize he's on your right side and your left hand is actually the one you have. #minordetail
I held that sweet little miracle and he looked up at me and I knew that he knew. I knew he knew who I was. I knew he knew my voice. I knew he knew I was safe to be with. I knew he knew he could trust me. After I realized he already knew all those things, I knew I would love him forever. I knew he would always be my little boy.
We bonded right then and there. We made a connection that I could literally feel in my heart. I felt my heart expand and I made a promise to love him always.
And that's the time I feel in love at 4a.m.
Fast forward two years and here we are. We are in full-blown toddler mode. Kaleb is 100% boy. First and foremost, he loves being outside. If he could, he would stay outside all day long. He loves to scoop dirt, he loves to blow bubbles, he loves to drive his tractors and trains in the grass, he loves to slide on his mini slide, he loves to run into our bushes and hide, he loves to chase Molly (Bawlly) around with sticks, he loves to go look at the goats, he loves to look for snails, he loves to go see papaw's tractors, and he loves to eat dog food when I'm not looking.
He doesn't like bugs. He steps on every one he comes across. He doesn't like when his hands get dirty at first but then forgets about it after a while. He doesn't like the sun shining right in his eyes, he doesn't like thunder and he doesn't like when I make him come in the house. :)
Kaleb has the most interesting personality. He is very particular. He likes things a certain way and will not bend. As he has became more vocal, he has learned how to tell me what he wants and doesn't want. Still sometimes blows my mind that he's able to communicate so well.
He's very serious. He's a thinker and you can see it all over his face. He watches others so intently, you can tell he's trying to learn exactly what they're doing. He expresses himself with his eyebrows and I just have no idea where he gets THAT from. Wink.
He has a sensitive side. I can tell that it would be easy to hurt his feelings. He wants to play with everyone and he wants everyone to get along. He also loves to hug others or see others hug so he can say "awwww".
This has truly been a fun and busy year with him. Since he started walking at 10 months, he was pretty much running at his first birthday. He hasn't stopped since. He's def a busy.body. At times, when I look at him, I feel like he's already 4 years old. He's very good at being independent and he's okay with playing by himself. He gets his trains or tractors and puts hundreds of miles on them while dinner is being made. I love that about him.
What I probably love most though? I love that he still feels like a baby at night time. Once his p.j.s are on, he gets his blankie and crawls into bed, he goes right back to being my baby. He wants me to lay with him. He wants me to hold him. He wants me to rub his back. He wants me there and it melts my heart every night.
Life just couldn't be sweeter when he's around. He teaches me things on the reg and he makes me realize that I should slow down and just enjoy this time. Even with all the challenges there are with having a melt-dowing, fit throwing, 2yr molar-ing toddler, I know I'm going to miss all of this one day.
Happy 2nd Birthday to my little K-Man! I'm so happy he'll always be the one who made me a mommy for the first time!
My sweet boy, the day he was born
The morning of his two-yr Birthday!