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Random Friday: you know it's true

April 26, 2013

A completely random list of shit that you know is true. 

Warning: this blog post contains run-on sentences and profanity.  If you're offended by either, don't read it. Thanks.


You know how if you eat a banana that's too green it'll give you that fuzzy feeling on your teeth and then it completely ruins your day, unless of course you carry a toothbrush with you?  Yeah, that.

You know how you're strolling through Hallmark, just reading random cards and you find a couple PERFECT cards for some of your BFF's, you go to purchase them and your total is like $37.95 and you think, damnit to hell, that's A LOTof money for just some cards AND I still have to buy stamps? Yeah, that.

You know how you can't decide what to wear and then you remember no one important saw you the day before and you can totally wear the same thing two days in a row? Yeah, that.

You know how you've been through about 87 fire drills at your work and then you reach that point that no one actually leaves the building because you know it isn't for real and as you're still sitting at your desk, listening to the sirens go off, you wonder to yourself, I wonder when the day will come that this will be the real deal and we'll get to go home for the day? Yeah, that.

You know how when you're listening to some hard core rap, singing along with every word and you suddenly turn into a badass gangster in your pimped out gucci suit, while you're pushin' big body in your chromed out caddy while folks in the back are droppin' it like it's hot and you feel like you could shank someone like a boss? Yeah, that.

Then, you know how Pandora will change that shit on.a.dime. and start playing some 80's country and you suddenly have to put your boots and faded denim on, get in your 4x4 chevy and start driving to the bar so you can be swept off your feet while they play "Amarillo By Mornin'"? Yeah, that.

You know how when you *think* you smell poop and you have no shame, what-so-ever, in smelling your child's ass in public and then saying, "nope! not mine" and then every other mother around you smells their child's ass until said smell is dicovered? Yeah, that.

You know how you spent $70 on a pair of sunglasses that you broke in a week, but your Wal-Mart sunglasses that you've had since your pool-side college days are still in perfect condition?  Yeah, that.

You know how sometimes you wanna attend a high school sporting event just so you can eat some concession stand nachos because when you tried to eat them in the comfort of your own home, they didn't taste the same? Yeah, that.

You know how before you had a kid, you never really considered yourself an aggressive person but the minute you became a parent you feel like you could make someone bleed from their eyes if they laid a finger on your child? Yeah, that.

You know how you nodded your head and agreed with me on at least one of these? Yeah, that's because it's real life and I love speaking the truth. Happy Friday!

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